Our lives are built on conversations, whether it is on the phone, on the computer, or face to face. Though so much goes on through electronics, the most meaningful and effective means is through a personal face to face conversation.  Because of this the many of conversations we have a day, are crucial in not only in work, but in life.  Susan Scott in her book “Fierce Conversations” is out not only to enhance everyday conversations, but make them “fierce.”

“… a fierce conversation is one in which we come out from behind ourselves into the conversation and make it real.” (pg. 7)  This is how Susan Scott wants us to interact with others.  With every person we talk to there is another opportunity to have a fierce conversation.  We can all tell the difference between a forced conversation and a real one.  A forced conversation begins and ends with small talk, and is very forgettable. Neither person has really given the other anything substantial to hold on to in their mind, so there is a good chance that neither person is excited about the other.  A real or fierce conversation is a memorable and genuine. A great example of where I put this into action was at the most recent career fair.

Recruiters at the career fair look at hundreds of potential candidates in a matter of hours, and then have to narrow the field down to the about twenty people they want to give a second look at or interview.  With that much of a cut down in such a small amount of time, if you are going to make that first cut then you need to memorable.  Resumes are not the way to do that, you may have the best resume in the world, but the recruiter will probably forget 95% of what he saw from his quick scan.  They respond best audio stimulation, or fierce conversation.  They will remember the guy they sat and talked to about his family or hometown.  One of the big points that Susan Scott brings up is to be here, prepare to be nowhere else.  Recruiters can tell when students have other places to be, because they can tell in the way you talk to them.  Treat every conversation as if it is the most important conversation you will ever have with that person, because it might be.  Even with many people waiting and many other booths to visit, I made the conversation my only priority.  This allowed me to get invited to seven interviews and receive three internship offers for this summer.  Being committed to the conversation goes a long way in conversation especially at a career fair, because almost everyone else will not show the same amount of interest you do.  That will make you stand out even more.

A way she describes to spark up a fierce conversation is to use the “Mineral Rights.” They are a type of conversation designed to get deep, past the surface and into the truth of what is going on. The approach accomplishes four purposes: Interrogate reality, provoke learning, tackle tough challenges, and enrich relationships.  This will give us a clear path to accomplishing these goals in the conversation.  Interrogating reality will find the purpose of the conversation.  Provoking learning will allow the engagement from both parties during the conversation. Tackling tough challenges will allow you to find the solution to problems you may be faced with.  And all of this leads to enrichment in your relationship.

She lays down seven steps that will give greater clarity and improve understanding of the rights.  1) Identify the most pressing issue.  This cut down the amount of time spent discussing the issue, and increase the amount of time fixing it. 2) Clarify the issue.  If it is clear what the problem is then it will be easier to fix it. The next two are crucial for any troubleshooting.  3) Determine the current impact. If something is going wrong, how bad is it?  4) Determine the future implications. This will help you decide when to deal with the problem bases on other priorities and the problems impact on the future.  5) Examine your personal contribution to this issue.  Determine how your job and/or skill set will be useful in solving the problem.  6) Describe the ideal outcome.  Lay out what the end result needs to be.    7) Commit to action.  With a plan of action, commit to getting it done efficiently and effectively.  Now clearly all conversations do not have pressing problems that need to be solved, in fact most of them are much less serious.  However, that does not make them any less meaningful.  These steps can be applied to any conversation to dig down deep and make the conversation real, but a clear way that I can apply this to my career is through problem solving.

One of the main jobs of a chemical engineer is to manage, maintain, and optimize chemical plants.  The chemists come up with the process, and the chemical engineers make their process a reality on an extremely large-scale.  You are responsible for the effectiveness of the machinery, safety of the workings.  Say a distressed employee runs up with a problem, now is the time to use the steps to make this conversation meaningful.  He says that there is a leak in the recycle stream of a plug flow reactor that is synthesizing long chains of PTFE (Teflon).  This leak is causing a loss of material which requires the reactor to use more energy while producing fewer products.  However, the composition of the leaking material contains the very dangerous byproduct Hydrofluoric Acid, HF.  This is extremely hazardous to the reactors, as well as the workers, so this becomes the top priority in this situation (1).  Now in order to properly solve the problem, you must know the details about it.  It is imperative to get information about the location and size of the leak, before you decide what you need to do to fix it (2).  As you assess the scene, discuss with the employee what the current danger this leak is causing (3), and what this will be the consequences for not addressing it (4).  This will help you to decide how to fix the problem.  For example, you must decide whether you must stop the leak immediately, or wait until you contain the mess that has already escaped.  There are other factors that go into this decision (How long has it been leaking?  Where is the does it accumulate?), but future implications are the biggest.  How will the people and the reactor be effected in the future by a certain course of actions.

Next you must decide how your skill set will be able to contribute in fixing the problem (5).  As the manager, it is our job to know how to properly fix the leak, as well as clean up the toxic chemicals.  You must discuss with your team the plan to arrive at an ideal outcome (6).  A huge part of this is to lead by example, because a plan has no effectiveness without a commitment from the leader to get it done.  This is extremely stressful and dangerous operation, so commitment to excellence from the leader is what they need to do this job efficiently and effectively (7).  This conversation may give new meaning to fierce, but it was effective none the less.  The seven steps broke down a very stressful and potentially tumultuous situation into an organized and effective conversation that wasted little time in solving the urgent problem.  If even one step is omitted then the conversation would not led to an effective and efficient solution.

Now another attribute that Susan Scott points out and that shines through in most of her examples is leadership.  For example in my theoretical example from my future, the steps of conversation taken solve the problem display leadership.  “The best leaders talk with them not at them.”(pg 218)  Proper communication is paramount for reaching a goal for a team, and the best leaders know how to not only communicate well, but communicate in a way that will get the best out of everyone else including themselves.  Talking at a person does not engage them.  Silence can be just as effective as talking. Every great and effective leader not only has great ideas, but understands that others do as well.  Listening is just as critical.  Conversations should be a two-way street.  It is very easy to get caught up in what you have to say, and to ignore what anyone else thinks.  This essentially tells the other person that your idea is more important than anything they have, and that is not an effective way to get the most out of everyone else.

Your body language can also engage the other party.  Solid soft eye contact allows you to focus on the information, and lets the other person know that you are paying attention.  A simple head nod also shows the other person that you are not only hearing the words but also understanding them.  The lack of fierce conversation in the world today leads to the gravity of your meaningful conversation.  You may not consider yourself a natural leader, but by implementing the steps to make a real and open conversation you are showing many of the traits of an effective leader.  By engaging them you lead them into a fierce conversation that they may have never had. You do not have to be given a leadership title to lead people in the right direction. Your insight along with the input from others will allow everyone to understand what is best.

This is very applicable with a large team such as the swim team.  With over 40 swimmers and coaches, the amount of personalities and ideas are over abundant.  There are four captains, but the title does not entitle them to special treatment.  Just because they are appointed leaders does not mean they do not have to act like it.  The conversations need to be with people not at them for the captains to be effective in doing what is best for the team.  “It is exceedingly difficult, almost impossible, to gain a firm footing in conversations filled with noise.” (pg. 219)  With so many people the good ideas are always coming, and it is the leader’s job to be a good listener.  However, this does not let all the others off the hook.  Just because you are not the captain does not mean you are allowed to have shallow and one-sided conversations.  Any person can lead the team by listening as much as they talk.

The transformation from an ordinary dialogue to a fierce conversation takes work, but can result in real, results oriented, highly informative, and enthusiastic discussion that is profitable for both parties.  It is important to engage the other person through body language and silence.  The input from both parties makes the conversation effective.  When discussing a problem it is important to walk step by step through the process to find the problem, and the correct solution.  In order to enrich your relationships with meaningful conversation, you must dig down deep to the heart of the conversation.  This allows you to find what is real and meaningful, discuss with emotion, and tackle the hard problems together. Finally, it is important to be completely invested in the conversation.  People can tell when you have other agendas, and it is extremely refreshing to see someone completely invested in a conversation.  Your passion and enthusiasm will allow the other person to come out from behind themselves and join in the fierce conversation.  “While no single conversation is guaranteed to change the trajectory of a career, a company, a relationship, or a life – any single conversation can.” (pg xix)  The doors for your career, company, relationships, and life will open one fierce conversation at a time.